Navigating Childhood Anxiety: Dos and Don'ts for Parents

When kids feel anxious often, sometimes parents who care a lot can accidentally make it worse. They do this by trying too hard to protect their kids from what scares them. Here are some tips to help kids break free from feeling anxious all the time.

What You’ll Learn

• How to help your child overcome anxiety.

• What’s the best way for parents to respond to an anxious child?

• How can parents help kids stay calm in stressful situations?

1.  The goal isn’t to make anxiety disappear, but to help a child deal with it.

We all want our children to be happy, but the best way to help them with anxiety isn’t to remove the things that make them nervous. It’s to help them learn how to handle their anxiety and still do things, even when they feel anxious. And as they practice this, their anxiety will start to go down.

2.  Don’t avoid things just because they make a child anxious.

Having kids stay away from things they’re scared of might make them feel better in the short term; however, it makes their anxiety stronger over time. For example, if a child starts crying because they’re uncomfortable, taking them out of that situation tells them that’s how to deal with it leading to them continuing that coping mechanism repeatedly.

3.  Express positive—but real—expectations.

You can’t promise a child that their fears won’t come true. But you can tell them that they can handle it, even if it’s hard. And as they face those fears, the anxiety will get less and less. This helps them feel like you understand them, have realistic expectations, and that they can handle what’s happening.

4.  Respect their feelings, but don’t exaggerate them.

It’s important to understand that validation doesn’t always mean agreement. For example, if a child fears going to the doctor, you don’t want to diminish those fears, but you also don’t want to exaggerate them. You want to listen, show empathy, help them understand their anxiety, and support them in believing they can overcome their fears.

5.  Avoid asking questions that lead them to feel more anxious.

Encourage your child to talk about how they feel without suggesting things that might make them feel worse. Instead of asking a leading question such as, “Are you anxious about the big test?” ask, “How do you feel about the upcoming test?”

6.  Avoid making their fears seem scarier.

You don’t want to show with your tone of voice or body language: “Maybe this is something that you should be afraid of.” For example, a child had a negative experience with a dog. Next time they’re around a dog, you might be anxious about how they will respond. Therefore, you may unintentionally send a message that they should, indeed, feel worried or anxious.

7.  Encourage your child to deal with their anxiety.

Communicate to your child that you understand and appreciate the work it takes to tolerate anxiety in order to do the things they want or need to do. It’s really encouraging them to engage in life and to let the anxiety take its natural curve. This means the child needs to keep doing things even if they’re scared. The more they have contact with the stressor, the less scared they’ll feel over time.

8.  Try to keep the time before they face their fear short.

The time leading up to doing something scary is often the hardest. If your child is nervous about a doctor’s appointment, try not to begin talking about the appointment several hours prior. That is likely to get your child more anxious and have their anxiety affect more of their day. Try to shorten the anticipatory period as much as possible.

9.  Think things through with the child.

Sometimes it helps to talk about what might happen if what they’re scared of comes true. For example, if a child has separation anxiety and is worried about being separated from their parents, you can talk about what they would do if their parent was late to pick them up. For some kids, having a plan can reduce the uncertainty in a healthy, effective way.

10.  Show kids healthy ways to handle anxiety.

You can support kids in managing anxiety by showing them how you deal with it. Children notice and learn from your reactions, so it’s important not to constantly demonstrate that you can’t handle stress or anxiety. This is not to suggest you hide your feelings, but rather demonstrate handling them calmly, accepting them, and feeling proud when you overcome them.

Available Resources for Parents

In conclusion, navigating childhood anxiety requires a balance of support and encouragement, as well as the development of healthy coping mechanisms. By following these guidelines, parents can empower their children to confront their fears and manage their anxiety effectively. Seeking professional guidance from licensed child psychologists, such as those at Tampa Pediatric Psychology, can provide invaluable support and resources for families navigating childhood anxiety such as parent training groups and workshops. With patience, understanding, and the right tools, parents can help their children build resilience and thrive in the face of anxiety. For additional information, check out our psychologist’s top book recommendations!