Is My Child’s Anger Normal?

Most kids have tantrums occasionally. But if they happen a lot, they could be signs of a problem, especially in a child older than eight. This blog will teach how to tell if emotional outbursts or aggression are beyond typical childhood behavior.

What You’ll Learn

• How to help a child with anger issues

• When does a child need help with their anger

• What can cause tantrums in older kids

• How to help an angry child calm down

Many kids throw fits or get really upset from time to time. It's normal. They might scream, stomp, or refuse to do what they're asked. But if your child keeps having these outbursts or can't seem to handle their emotions most of the time, it might be more than just typical behavior.

Here are some signs to watch for:

• If your child is still having tantrums past the age when most kids grow out of them (usually around 7 or 8 years old).

• If they're doing things that could hurt themselves or others.

• If teachers say they're having serious trouble at school, like being really disruptive.

• If other kids don't want to hang out with them because of their behavior.

• If their tantrums and defiance are causing a lot of conflict at home and disrupting family life

• If they're feeling bad about themselves because they can't control their anger.

Understanding Anger in Children

Understanding why children get angry is important. When children continue to have regular emotional outbursts, it’s usually a symptom of distress. The first step is understanding what’s triggering your child’s behavior. There are many possible underlying causes below:

ADHD:

Kids with ADHD may find it hard to control their behavior, especially those who experience impulsivity and hyperactivity. They might have trouble following instructions or switching between tasks, which can make them seem defiant and angry. More than 50% of kids with ADHD also exhibit defiance and emotional outbursts. Their inability to focus and complete tasks can also lead to tantrums, arguing, and power struggles. Sometimes, ADHD is missed in kids who have a history of aggression because there are so many other issues that need to be managed.

Anxiety:

When kids seem angry or stubborn, it could be because they're really anxious. They might be hiding their anxiety, making it harder to notice. When they're faced with stressful situations, like schoolwork, they might struggle to handle it and end up lashing out. This could happen because they're feeling overwhelmed and scared. In these situations, their "fight or flight" response kicks in, and they might throw a tantrum or refuse to do something to avoid what's making them so afraid.

Trauma or neglect:

Many kids act out because of trauma, neglect, or chaos at home. If they don't feel safe or loved, they might act out to get attention or feel powerful.

Learning problems:

When your child keeps misbehaving at school or when doing homework, it could be because they have a learning disorder that hasn't been identified yet. For example, if they struggle a lot with math and get really upset about it, they might not ask for help. Instead, they might tear up their assignment or pick a fight with another kid to distract from their difficulties with math.

Sensory issues:

Some kids have trouble making sense of the things they see, hear, or feel. If your child is really sensitive to things like scratchy clothes or loud noises, it might make them feel anxious or overwhelmed. On the other hand, if they're not sensitive enough to these things, they might not notice important cues in their environment. This can cause them to feel uncomfortable or even have meltdowns.

Autism:

Children on the autism spectrum are also often prone to dramatic meltdowns. If your child is autistic, they may need consistent routine to feel safe and any unexpected change can set them off. They may have sensory issues that cause them to be overwhelmed by stimulation leading to a meltdown that continues until they get exhausted. They may also lack the language and communication skills to express what they need or want.

How to Help an “Angry” Child?

Medication won’t necessarily fix defiant behavior or aggression. It can reduce the symptoms of ADHD, anxiety, and other disorders and improve the conditions for working on those behaviors. Behavioral approaches that have parents and children working together to rein in problem behavior are key to helping the situation.

Find The Triggers

 The first thing to do when your child gets really upset is to figure out what makes them feel that way. For example, if they always struggle to get ready for school, you could try giving them warnings about time, laying out their clothes the night before, and waking up earlier. Some kids find it helpful to break tasks into smaller steps and put them on a list on the wall.

Be consistent with parenting

 How you react to your child's behavior affects whether they'll keep acting that way in the future. If your child's behavior is really hard to handle or causing big problems, it might be a good idea to try parent training programs. These programs, like Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT) and Parent Management Training, teach you how to reward good behavior and give consistent consequences for bad behavior. Most kids do better when their parents respond calmly and consistently, and when there are clear rules in place. 

Don’t Give In 

Resist the urge to give in when your child throws a tantrum. Giving them what they want when they act out teaches them that tantrums are effective.

 
Remain Calm and Consistent

Stay calm and stick to the same approach. When you control your own feelings, you're better able to teach and enforce rules consistently. Getting upset can make a child more aggressive, whether with words or actions. By staying calm, you're showing your child the behavior you want them to learn. 

Ignore negative behavior and praise positive behavior. 

Pay no attention to bad behavior and celebrate good behavior. Even scolding or telling a child to stop can make their bad behavior worse. Instead, give lots of specific praise for the behaviors you want to see more of. For example, instead of just saying "good job," say "good job for calming down."  

Use consistent consequences  

Your child needs to know what the consequences are for negative behaviors, such as time outs, as well as rewards for positive behaviors, like time on the iPad. And you need to show them that you follow through with these consequences every time.

Build a toolkit for calming down  

It’s important for both you and your child to build a toolkit for self-soothing. These are things you can do to calm down such as slow breathing to relax. There are several other techniques for your toolbox such as taking a break and stepping away from the situation or using calming sensory tools, like stress balls or fidget toys.

Additional Resources

Managing a child's anger requires patience, consistency, and understanding. It's essential to resist the urge to give in to tantrums and instead focus on teaching and reinforcing positive behaviors. Staying calm and modeling the behavior we want to see in our children can go a long way in helping them learn to regulate their emotions.

For further guidance and support in managing your child's anger, consider reaching out to Tampa Pediatric Psychology, expert child psychologists and child behavior experts. With the right approach and support, both parents and children can learn effective ways to cope with and overcome anger challenges. For additional information, check out our teams top book recommendations!