3 Ways Parents Inadvertently Make Their Child's Anxiety Worse (and What to Do Instead)
When your child struggles with anxiety, your natural instinct is to step in and protect them. You want to ease their distress, prevent meltdowns, and make life feel safer. But the tricky part is that the very things you do to help in the moment can actually feed anxiety in the long run.
This is not because you’re doing something “wrong” as a parent, it’s because anxiety thrives on avoidance, and loving parents often end up enabling that cycle without even realizing it.
Let’s look at three common ways parents inadvertently make their child’s anxiety worse and what you can do instead.
1. Rescuing and Reassuring Too Much
What happens:
When your child is anxious, you might rush to reassure them:
“Don’t worry, everything will be fine.”
“There’s nothing to be scared of.”
Or you might step in to “rescue” them—speaking to teachers for them, excusing them from difficult situations, or smoothing over challenges.
Why it backfires:
These responses bring temporary relief, but they also reinforce your child’s belief: “I can’t handle this without Mom/Dad.” Anxiety grows stronger when kids learn they need someone else to manage it for them.
What to do instead:
Validate their feelings (“I can see this feels scary for you”) and then encourage brave behavior (“I believe you can handle this step”). The goal is not to erase anxiety, but to help your child build confidence in their ability to face it.
2. Making Endless Accommodations
What happens:
Parents often change routines or family life to prevent anxiety flare-ups:
Driving a child everywhere because they’re afraid of public transportation.
Skipping social events because your child is nervous.
Always letting them sleep in your bed.
Why it backfires:
These accommodations reduce distress in the moment, but they feed avoidance. The more a child avoids, the scarier the avoided situation becomes.
What to do instead:
Gradually reduce accommodations. This doesn’t mean throwing your child into overwhelming situations. Instead, take small, supportive steps that encourage independence. You can still offer comfort, but without reinforcing avoidance.
3. Treating Anxiety Like Misbehavior
What happens:
Anxious behavior can look like defiance: refusing to go to school, melting down before activities, or snapping at siblings. Parents might react with frustration, discipline, or lectures.
Why it backfires:
If the root issue is anxiety, punishment doesn’t solve the problem, it adds shame and stress. Your child feels misunderstood, which can deepen their anxiety and damage trust.
What to do instead:
Pause and consider: Could anxiety be driving this behavior? Respond with empathy first, then guide your child toward coping strategies and problem-solving.
A Better Approach: SPACE Treatment
If this all feels easier said than done, you’re right. Changing family patterns around anxiety can be tough, but there’s a structured, evidence-based approach that works: SPACE (Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions).
Unlike traditional therapy that focuses on the child, SPACE is a parent-based treatment. It helps you:
Recognize and reduce accommodations.
Respond supportively without feeding anxiety.
Empower your child to face fears at their own pace.
Research shows SPACE is as effective as individual therapy for kids, and sometimes even more accessible, because it equips parents with lasting tools.
Final Thoughts
If your child struggles with anxiety, know that you don’t have to eliminate their fears, you just need to shift your role in the anxiety cycle. By stepping back from rescuing, scaling down accommodations, and responding with empathy instead of frustration, you create the space your child needs to grow resilience.
At Tampa Pediatric Psychology, we specialize in helping families break these patterns using the SPACE (Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions) approach. Together, we equip parents with practical tools to support their child’s growth, while reducing the grip anxiety has on daily life. Contact us when you’re ready, we’re her to help.